I read this sticker on my water body while practicing yoga this morning.... it ended up being my mantra for the day. What have I found that I love? Do I love what I have found? It brought my awareness to my own being, to where I am today with myself and what I love. Love~ oh, love.... it seems that our mind instantly wanders to the thought of romantic love when we hear the word love. It feels like this dreamy, ungrounded space where the thought of our perfect partner sweeping us away to live happily ever after takes over (at least, this what it feels like in my experience). It reminded me of this amazing realization I came to a few months ago. Keep in mind, I've read what feels like a gazillion self help books on loving yourself, finding the perfect partner, and healing our past wounds to find love. But, for some reason, I FINALLY got it.
My amazing mentor, Char, speaks endlessly about love and being love and self love. It was after one of her classes that it happened. I remember thinking, "holy shit! I get it! I really have to love myself, every single part of myself. Every quirk, every imperfection, EVERYTHING! Every word I speak, every freckle, every time I laugh, the absolute entirety of my being before he is going to show up!! Duh! I've only read this, like I said, a gazillion times! And not only that, when I do love my entire being, my partner will hopefully love his entire being (the whole reflection thing) and then what we share, what we call love, will join and grow together! In that moment, I finally realized that I was ready. Ready to find a partner, ready to experience a "partnership" with the understanding of what it really means... I'm ready!
So, in reading this sticker....love what you find, find what you love.... I had the overwhelming sense that I have found love for myself. The kind of love that sweeps one off their feet, all for myself. I do love what I have found and found what I love completely.
That being said, I am human, and I do fall out of love ocassionally :) The other thought that came to me while repeating this mantra in my head today was, the moment I stop loving myself and go into my self critique is the moment I fall into fear and doubt. It's the moment I start saying to myself "I'll never find someone. I'll never get the job, home, friends I desire." It's in this moment when I stop loving myself that I start hurting myself! WOW! I'll pass on that one....
So, I love that I love myself. I love that I realize it's ok to fall out of love with myself as long as I'm consciously aware of it. And, I love the life that I have created and the beauty that surrounds me. All because I know this outer beauty is a complete reflection of me and you. That this internal, unconditional love is what is reflected back to me through each smile and the brightness in another's eyes. And that with this love, all will be healed....
With love~
Heather
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Transitions
I wanted to write about my transition to Boulder from Seattle, mainly because it was such a huge leap for me in many ways... as are many of our transitions are in life. Letting go of our old skin to embrace a life we envision for ourselves, perhaps in another part of the world to manifest parts of our destiny through conscious interaction with new beings and new places. For me, I knew Boulder was going to be a stripping down of my outer shell, only to unveil my deepest and truest self. A self that most people, even those who are close to me, don't ever see and have never known. While leaving Florida to experience the Pacific Northwest was my opportunity to turn inward and learn about myself and who I am, Boulder is now the opportunity for me to fully share who am with others, to honor the most sacred parts of myself through sharing. It is an opportunity for me to keep growing and healing so that I may serve others in a more clear, conscious, and open way. The more we all take these leaps and bounds of transformation, the more we contribute to the healing of others, as well as the healing of our beautiful Mother Earth.
During my first hike through Kohler Mesa, at the foothills of the Flatirons, I had an amazing experience. It was my first experience alone surrounded by the beautiful new home I was blessed with. I was completely horrified! What if I got eaten by a mountain lion, or a bear, or even biten by a rattle snake?! Well, first of all, I wasn't that far away from civilization. Many houses sit near the foothills and people are constantly running and hiking on the trails. I felt the tension in my body melt away as I realized the pain and fear I was allowing my mind to create. In that moment, I asked for protection from the land, from my angels and ancestors, and from the wilderness that we are so much a part of... yet, so far removed from. In that beautiful moment, all of my fear melted away along with the sweat pouring out of my skin.
I decided to take a seat on top of a boulder, overlooking a small valley. The powerful flatirons were directly in front of me, their power and strength coursing through my body. I immediately felt their force and it was if I was being told (which I was) that I am that strength. We all carry this power within us, this force of nature, it's what makes us complete. I was no different than the beautiful mountains before me. Closing my eyes, I felt my skin fade away and become part of the mountains, the air, the scent of pine, and the chirping birds. My senses were heightened as the experience of grasshoppers landing on blades of grass drew me further into this space of oneness. The grasshopper, so small yet, so powerful. So, not only was this mountain a reflection of myself, but so was this tiny grasshopper whose song helps to put me to sleep each night.
The mountains kept speaking to me, telling me their story. The ancient ones, the oldest beings on Earth, the rock people. The strength and resilience they embrace, of others climbing all over their skin and yet, they still stand strong. Another reflection.... how others can walk all over us and we have the choice to stand strong, or shrink away. I choose to stand strong and powerful! It was in that moment that I knew I had no choice but to voice who I am. That I needed to stand strong and powerful like the mountains and express who I am completely, there could be no more hiding... after all, do mountains hide?
My hike continued through the enchanted trail. For those of you who don't know, one of my biggest fears are snakes. I had literally just inquired about snakes here and low and behold, I nearly stepped on one while letting a runner pass by me! A rattlesnake at that! I couldn't believe it, but I knew it was a sign. A sign because snakes symbolize transformation and shedding of our old skin. That and I am a snake in Chinese astrology :) I couldn't shake the fear that came along with this encounter. What if that women hadn't been there, I could been bitten and no one would have known! All of these stories, again being played out in my mind.... ah, my mind. That pesky little sucker!! I began being thankful that someone was there and that 10 ft. away was a busy trail. But my mind was trying to bring me out of my present space and back into fear. I was safe, I was protected, and I needed to TRUST!
As I started making my way down, at this point it had been well over an hour since the beginning of my hike, and yes, I took a few wrong turns, but it was amazing! As I was descending, the same feeling came over me as when I was sitting on the Boulder. Thoughts came streaming through me. Thoughts of how disconnected I have been from a place that I call home, nature. I began to look at the trees and their roots I was trying to gently walk over. We are no different than the trees. If you look at a tree and their roots, how they spread outward and downward in to the earth, across the earth.... how all of nature depends on them. Are we any different? How some trees completely shed their old skin in the winter, drawing all of their energy inside to create and share their beauty in the spring. In the winter, being naked and vulnerable to the wind and cold, yet staying grounded and rooted, supported by the earth. How could we think we are different from these one-leggeds that give their lives without permission each day? How could we think that our roots, that spread out into the world through our words and actions be different than these beautiful beings?
And on it went, these sensations and feelings of connection with my home, with nature. The realization of my disconnect from such a sacred space. A space that I once knew while climbing trees when I was little, or sitting under the stars with my Grandpa in the middle of an orange grove, or turtle hunting on the beach. I loved nature when I was growing up, and that love has never left me and never will. The realization that I escape into the material, worrying about all of things that I "should" have, and forgetting that everything I need is right outside the back door, and even closer than that, right inside my heart. And, we all carry this sacred space. This connection with the unseen and the connection with nature. She teaches us so much, all we have to do is stop and listen... stop and feel.... stop and honor that place within as well as that place without.
My wish is that I can help others to find their own sacred space. To see that we are all here to help one another find the beauty that we seek "out there", by knowing we hold that beauty within our entire beings. My wish is that we all know we are not alone. We have angels, we have ancestors, we have intuition, our higher power, and most of all, we have each other. We cannot do anything alone and we are only harming ourselves by not expressing our true selves, by not using our voice and gifts. My wish is that my family and friends get to know all parts of me.... the daughter, the sister, the aunt, the cousin, and the granddaughter.... the healer, the lightworker, the poet, the dancer, the shamanic practitioner, the oracle reader. To let go of the labels and truly get to know me, this is the inspiration for my blog. And in turn, I hope this opens the many doors to each of your hearts, so that I may continue to learn and grow from you. From this space, may our stories continue.....
Love & light~
Heather Leah
Blazing Sky
During my first hike through Kohler Mesa, at the foothills of the Flatirons, I had an amazing experience. It was my first experience alone surrounded by the beautiful new home I was blessed with. I was completely horrified! What if I got eaten by a mountain lion, or a bear, or even biten by a rattle snake?! Well, first of all, I wasn't that far away from civilization. Many houses sit near the foothills and people are constantly running and hiking on the trails. I felt the tension in my body melt away as I realized the pain and fear I was allowing my mind to create. In that moment, I asked for protection from the land, from my angels and ancestors, and from the wilderness that we are so much a part of... yet, so far removed from. In that beautiful moment, all of my fear melted away along with the sweat pouring out of my skin.
I decided to take a seat on top of a boulder, overlooking a small valley. The powerful flatirons were directly in front of me, their power and strength coursing through my body. I immediately felt their force and it was if I was being told (which I was) that I am that strength. We all carry this power within us, this force of nature, it's what makes us complete. I was no different than the beautiful mountains before me. Closing my eyes, I felt my skin fade away and become part of the mountains, the air, the scent of pine, and the chirping birds. My senses were heightened as the experience of grasshoppers landing on blades of grass drew me further into this space of oneness. The grasshopper, so small yet, so powerful. So, not only was this mountain a reflection of myself, but so was this tiny grasshopper whose song helps to put me to sleep each night.
The mountains kept speaking to me, telling me their story. The ancient ones, the oldest beings on Earth, the rock people. The strength and resilience they embrace, of others climbing all over their skin and yet, they still stand strong. Another reflection.... how others can walk all over us and we have the choice to stand strong, or shrink away. I choose to stand strong and powerful! It was in that moment that I knew I had no choice but to voice who I am. That I needed to stand strong and powerful like the mountains and express who I am completely, there could be no more hiding... after all, do mountains hide?
My hike continued through the enchanted trail. For those of you who don't know, one of my biggest fears are snakes. I had literally just inquired about snakes here and low and behold, I nearly stepped on one while letting a runner pass by me! A rattlesnake at that! I couldn't believe it, but I knew it was a sign. A sign because snakes symbolize transformation and shedding of our old skin. That and I am a snake in Chinese astrology :) I couldn't shake the fear that came along with this encounter. What if that women hadn't been there, I could been bitten and no one would have known! All of these stories, again being played out in my mind.... ah, my mind. That pesky little sucker!! I began being thankful that someone was there and that 10 ft. away was a busy trail. But my mind was trying to bring me out of my present space and back into fear. I was safe, I was protected, and I needed to TRUST!
As I started making my way down, at this point it had been well over an hour since the beginning of my hike, and yes, I took a few wrong turns, but it was amazing! As I was descending, the same feeling came over me as when I was sitting on the Boulder. Thoughts came streaming through me. Thoughts of how disconnected I have been from a place that I call home, nature. I began to look at the trees and their roots I was trying to gently walk over. We are no different than the trees. If you look at a tree and their roots, how they spread outward and downward in to the earth, across the earth.... how all of nature depends on them. Are we any different? How some trees completely shed their old skin in the winter, drawing all of their energy inside to create and share their beauty in the spring. In the winter, being naked and vulnerable to the wind and cold, yet staying grounded and rooted, supported by the earth. How could we think we are different from these one-leggeds that give their lives without permission each day? How could we think that our roots, that spread out into the world through our words and actions be different than these beautiful beings?
And on it went, these sensations and feelings of connection with my home, with nature. The realization of my disconnect from such a sacred space. A space that I once knew while climbing trees when I was little, or sitting under the stars with my Grandpa in the middle of an orange grove, or turtle hunting on the beach. I loved nature when I was growing up, and that love has never left me and never will. The realization that I escape into the material, worrying about all of things that I "should" have, and forgetting that everything I need is right outside the back door, and even closer than that, right inside my heart. And, we all carry this sacred space. This connection with the unseen and the connection with nature. She teaches us so much, all we have to do is stop and listen... stop and feel.... stop and honor that place within as well as that place without.
My wish is that I can help others to find their own sacred space. To see that we are all here to help one another find the beauty that we seek "out there", by knowing we hold that beauty within our entire beings. My wish is that we all know we are not alone. We have angels, we have ancestors, we have intuition, our higher power, and most of all, we have each other. We cannot do anything alone and we are only harming ourselves by not expressing our true selves, by not using our voice and gifts. My wish is that my family and friends get to know all parts of me.... the daughter, the sister, the aunt, the cousin, and the granddaughter.... the healer, the lightworker, the poet, the dancer, the shamanic practitioner, the oracle reader. To let go of the labels and truly get to know me, this is the inspiration for my blog. And in turn, I hope this opens the many doors to each of your hearts, so that I may continue to learn and grow from you. From this space, may our stories continue.....
Love & light~
Heather Leah
Blazing Sky
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